Easter time. A time of year to celebrate our faith with family and friends. It’s always a special time, spring is in the air. We sit down to dinner with many traditional foods reserved just for this holy holiday. Dyed Easter eggs for the kids and a few go in the braided loaves of bread that are only served this time of year. Glorious baked ham and all that goes with it and all the side dishes. When I think of Easter though my mind and senses take me back to my Uncle and Aunt's house where my Aunt Clara and my Uncle Ritchie had spent the week before preparing a traditional Polish Easter for our family. We didn't go there often but when we did it was a sight to behold. Pieces of hay were laid under the table cloth to remind us that Jesus was born in a manger. Spring flowers and the dyed eggs were on the table. There were eggs and kielbasa, my favorite, and homemade horseradish. Potatoe pancakes served with sour cream and applesauce. Sweet and savory and so much more. A time to look back and remember those that are no longer with us. Why would the memories of my Aunt’s house be clearer for me than memories of my own house? Because my aunt’s house was peaceful and fun. There was no stress around her dining room table.
I heard somewhere many years ago that children who come from dysfunctional households or families with a great deal of turmoil do much better as adults when they have someone who loves them and mentors them when they are small than those children who have no one that they feel loves them unconditionally or who make them feel like they don’t belong. That has always stayed with me. I have been fortunate to have had three people at different times in my growing up years who I knew for sure loved me and because of their attention and care, I know today that I am one of the lucky ones. Today, I want to tell you about my Aunt Clarey. I will also tell you about my Grandfather and my Miss Margaret someday because without all three of them life would be very different for me. Clarey though was and still is so special. She has been my cheerleader for as long as I can remember and I know without a doubt that we share a very strong bond of love and respect for each other. When I first started blogging I wrote about her but over the years I’m realizing how much closer we have become. I don’t even know if she ever read that post so many years ago. I haven’t been able to see her for a very long time because of Covid and also with Easter right around the corner, again, I won’t be able to be with her so I felt it was important for me to tell her how much I adore her and all of the tender care she showered me with over the years.
The photo above is of her and my Mom. Clara is the one in the yellow jacket. Taken many years ago in Springhill, Nova Scotia. The small coal-mining town that my grandmother was from. Each year some of us would get to go back “home”. This time Clara was with us. The place and time are not what is notable here, what is most important and a constant memory for me is her huge smile. She never took things too seriously and boy oh boy did she love a good time. She had an adventurous spirit and it’s alive and well today even though she doesn’t get to travel so much anymore. but because she would tell me of all her adventures she finally convinced me to give travel a try. So buckle up and come meet Clarey.
I was fifteen years old the first time I sat at her kitchen table for a serious discussion. I had sat at her dinner table many times before that but always as her niece..by marriage. This day was different and a turning point for me...I can still picture that kitchen...small by today's standards, with a round table and chairs to hold a family of six. The stove was always brewing something that smelled wonderful but the smells I most remember were the smells of her homemade polish food...a little pantry where we did dishes and a small hallway leading to a porch that at one time held a washer and dryer but then it became a place for a tiny bathroom...I grew to love that kitchen and our table time talks.
She married my Mother's only sibling, my Uncle. She knew me early on and I was her fairy tale princess in her beautiful wedding..I don't know if she knew at that time, that that was how I felt...so beautiful in that dress and the flowers...Oh my..just like the big ladies. I swear to this day, I have never enjoyed a bouquet quite as stunning as that one and a flower ring on my head. Right from the beginning she knew how to make me believe in myself, but way back then at 4 years old,...I was not able to figure that out..this photo and one of my brother as the ring bearer with me, are one of my greatest treasures. I wish every little girl could feel so special. It was the beginning really of my travels with Clara.
Life goes on though..and she had her family and I had mine..We would always be together at family functions and holidays..My Uncle was a big part of my life when my Dad was not around. I loved watching my aunt and uncle as they interacted with their own kids and I loved that I was always welcome at their home.
My home on the other hand was a bit dysfunctional back in the day...My Dad was career Military and my Mom struggled to bring up me and my three brothers, mostly on her own...with some help from my Grandparents. My Mom had to work and life just wasn't easy at our house...and so when I entered my teenage years and turmoil was the name of the game at home...I went to Clara's house...and that's exactly how I thought of it...Not my Uncle's house but Clara's house.
So that day at fifteen years old, I took my spot on the right side of the table, and I'm sure we had coffee or tea and I started to talk..I talked about all the things at home that were hurtful and sad. I talked about my trials and tribulations and fears. I talked and I'm pretty sure I did a bit of crying also..for hours, and she never told me to be quiet or to suck it up. What she did do was listen, and then in her calming and so soft voice, tell me how to deal with it. How to try to keep the peace. How to try to understand that it wasn't about me. It was more about how life was for my family and how strong willed and strict and difficult it could be for the adults in my life. What she did was blend from Aunt to friend that very day.
You know as we grow the years meld. When we are young 15 years difference seems like an eternity. Where her and I sit today, fifteen years has no defining measure. We have blended together in years, partly because we never, after that day, let age define our relationship. So we started traveling together in many ways. We shared a love of knitting and reading. She loved a good time so she never really missed too many home parties...Oh my, she taught me so many lessons along the way..how to love passionately, how to laugh out loud. How to listen to each other...she taught me that you don't need much except tea, time and good conversation to pass away an afternoon in the blink of an eye...and she nurtured the gift of travel in me by telling me of her great adventures with my Uncle and then after my Uncle died, her and I have traveled far and wide together over the years, and we have always had wonderful times...without her knowledge and fearlessness I'm not sure I would be on the path I'm on today...The lessons go on and on.
Our friendship grew into something so special it is hard to describe...to the point where now, I really do think of her as my friend and only occasionally remember that she was first my Aunt. She is the last of all my relatives and she continues to teach me life lessons. The greatest gift she has given me though, is the gift of self-confidence and pride in myself ..She has always been my biggest cheerleader in all that I have done but never more so than in the last 8 years of my life as I struggled to be a photographer and now to combine my photo's with my writing...I have a file draw full of all the notes, letters, cards, kind and loving words that she has taken the time to write to me. She believed in me when no one else in my family did. That is what a true friend does...they let go of the naughty side of you and embrace all the good that is in you, that most can't even find. Believe me, I do have a naughty side but I'm not quite sure Aunt Clara knows where it is and if she does, she keeps that side to herself.
So today I celebrate her. This year she will turn 89 and I hope she lives to be 100 so we can see what else is out there for us. She still lives alone in her own apartment she still knits and reads and is my inspiration for how a life well lived would look. Nothing to fear...just go out and do whatever it is that you love. She has enriched my life more than she will ever know and more than I can express here. What I do know is just like that little flower girl above...every mature, adult female should have a friend like Clara in her life. I'm one of the lucky ones that never stopped traveling the road with her after that day as her flower girl...all these many years she has held my hand and pulled me along and I am still marching to the beat of her drum...it plays some beautiful music..not many like her left. I'm glad she's mine…
Happy Easter Clara…I love you.
On one of our many road trips...Jim is looking a bit tired but not Clarey...she is all smiles about something...she just loves to laugh and isn't that the greatest music. I really think they are on some crazy ass ride and Jim is scared to death and Clara thinks that's a hoot..
In the photo up above, the very first photo of Clara and my Mom, Clara was waiting her turn to go down in the mines…pitch black down there. Clarey was always up for a good adventure and nothing scares her. Here we are in Springhill Nova Scotia and she gets her hard hat, raincoat and boots and off she goes down into the mines...Not me or my Mom..I was scared to death the mine would fall in on me and that blackness would swallow me up. Clarey, she loved the whole experience...BTW...I come from a long line of coal miners, we were from Springhill so I was not a stranger to the mines...just didn't want to go in them...Looking good Clarey.
Now this was an adventure I could sink my teeth into. Twenty eight years ago we went to Hawaii to celebrate our 25th Anniversary. Oh what a trip that was and right there by my side was my Clarey...we had a great time. She stayed with us for week. Jim and I went to two Islands but Clarey took off on her own and went to three Islands..I love her adventuresome spirit and she has no qualms about going about her pleasures alone if that's the way to get the job done...she lives life...plain and simple.
This was a surprise 70th birthday party for her..and she really was surprised. I choose this photo because this tells the story of her life..She is always happy, appreciates every thoughtful deed, believes deeply in her God and shares her love of life with a smile for all who encounter her...She really does...get this thing called "Life".
As a final note..every time I look at that wedding photo I feel such joy for that little girl..even though she was scared to death she is just the cutest thing ever and I must say, my hair was "Rocking"...that day...which was not usually the case...LOL
So thank you Clara for all the good times mixed in with a few rough years long ago. We have had so many fun times and laughed until it hurt. Those are the gifts that you gave me and of course love. Love moves the earth and it sure has moved you and I all over the place. Looking forward to more tea times and table talks. I’ll meet you in Maine this summer. From your “honey girl”.
“Because of you, I laugh a little harder
Cry a little less and
smile a lot more.”
“A true friend knows your weaknesses,
but shows you your strengths...”
